Back to Germany

Hello, my wonderful readers! I am writing to you again from Germany after a 17-day vacation back home in Boston. Not much has happened here yet, but I figured I would fill you in on my time at home and my recent self-reflections.

Of course the moment I entered the arrivals area of Terminal E at Logan and saw my mom and dad, I started crying (but hey, I wasn't alone...Mom was crying too!!!). It's hard to explain why I cried. I attended college for four years and had my fair share of being away from home. While I was always happy to reunite with my family again, it was not a highly emotional experience for any of us...it was just normal. Yet, somehow, returning from Germany felt much more powerful and sentimental. I guess when you live in another country where the language is different and the time is six hours ahead, coming home holds a greater significance -- a return to comfort, familiarity, and lots of hugs and cuddles.

My time at home was spent petting the balding Brady, eating more than I had in months, running errands with Mom and Dad just so I could be with them, lounging in Elizabeth's new apartment, and reuniting with Jeffrey for Christmas and New Year's. It was nice to welcome a new face to our "Jewmas" and share a bit of my family's traditions. The freezing cold weather in Boston was not ideal, but at least now it feels balmy here in Cologne at 45 degrees! Some highlights: sitting in the dark on December 23rd wondering if I'd be able to eat the turkey and all the trimmings I had missed at Thanksgiving, getting pedicures with Mom, going to work with Dad, laughing with Elizabeth while I watched her code, and getting hooked on "Stranger Things" with Jeffrey.

I knew coming back to Germany would be difficult after a couple of weeks of relaxation with my people. When I first walked back into my apartment, I was actually surprised at how normal and familiar it felt, but as the day went on, I was reminded of the challenges I overcame during my first four months here, specifically in regards to accepting mild isolation. Now, don't get me wrong, I have friends here who I laugh with, go to Zumba with, sit in cafes with, and travel with, but these interactions are not as ubiquitous or constant as they were in college. At Eastman, I could always count on Michele or Alicia being there with a hug, or I could walk through the halls knowing I would run into at least one friend. But in Germany, once my classes or get-togethers finish, I return to a more secluded space where my best friend isn't right down the hall -- she's 3,793 miles away.

Since I've been back, I've done a lot of soul-searching, and I've come to the conclusion that my feelings of loneliness and "overwhelmment" actually have less to do with me being in Germany and more to do with me being a post-grad. When I talk to any of my friends back home, I discover that they often feel just as lonely or out-of-place as I do. It is comforting to know that the uncertainty I feel as I become more independent and move closer to responsible-adulthood is not unusual, and that just like everyone else, I will find my way. And hey, how lucky am I to be able to undertake this process of self-reflection and -discovery in a foreign country with friends from Germany, Turkey, Russia, Spain, Mexico, China, Japan, and beyond?! It is a pretty awesome experience in the true sense of the word.

The next weeks hold some exciting adventures! The semester finishes at the end of January, and then I will be traveling to Lucerne and Zurich with Gemma, then Madrid and Lisbon on my own, and finally to London, where I will be staying with my British family! And in the middle of all these travels is Carnival in Cologne, a huge event where everyone dresses up in costumes, attends parades, and drinks lots of good German beer! I am so excited for these adventures, these opportunities to explore the world and gain confidence in myself as I mature and become a strong woman. More to come in the future! :)